I think.

If I do like Ryan, what does this mean?
He wouldn't have said "I love you"... he's not a touchy feely guy that throws that around. He wouldn't have said "I love you."
So what does this mean?
I want desperately to just know when someone is interested in me.
I usually do... except that when I like them, there's no real way for me to figure it out. To add to the confusion, my heart's telling me one thing, and my mind is telling me another. This reminds me of The Little Prince. (ah, what doesn't?)
You can only see clearly with your heart.
and makes me want to believe:
"the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."
(yes I watched moulin rouge yesterday)
But I do love him...
not in a romantic way, maybe, as his sister at worst (or at best, I'm not sure right now.) Because he's always here when I need him.

I think we could be good for eachother.
I think we could be really very happy together.
And I think... I don't know... just, maybe...

and now, I'm not sure, because my head and heart are perched on either of my shoulders.
and my head is telling me, "Absolutly not! This is absurd. You can't have feelings for him."
and my heart is saying, "You've liked him for so long. Admit it!! You've liked him for months, underneath the surface of all things Jon-ness, and you liked him three years ago, and you liked him six years ago, so why aren't you admitting this, Sophie? You want him. And regardless of whether or not you end up together, you need him, too."
And Callie's voice is echoing in my head, "Just go up to him and say, 'So here's the deal: I find you incredibly attractive." and walk away.
And...

Until Next Post,
infinite xs and os,
Sophie

It's quite simple: One sees clearly only with the heart.

The Little Prince

Has anyone else ever read The Little Prince?
I am most certainly not someone who reads something other than true classics or books of length and substance (which are hard to come by today.)
The thing is, The Little Prince, by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, remains my favorite book of all time. I read it first at age twelve, at which point I was the only kid I knew who was enjoying Shakespeare's Plays (well, I had been since age six... My grandmother would read them to me as a small child.) and Sense and Sensibility. Then my mom got sick, and went out and bought it for me...
The Little Prince is an absolute treasure. It is one of those books that you won't be able to put down, one of those books that you must read and re-read. It's one of those books from which learn something new every time you read it, and you notice something new with every passing year that you re-read it.
Perhaps the two most line in the entire story is:

"Here is my secret. It's quite simple:

One sees clearly only with the heart.

What is essential is invisible to the eye."

Could it be any more true?
Since I re-read it for the seventeen-thousandth time last month, I've been trying really hard to stop living any other way that with my heart first. I've been trying very hard to stop trying to see things with my eyes, and assume things. I've stopped doing things for any reason other than because it feels right inside my heart.
And Since then, I've done a lot of things in an attempt to make my life worthwhile. I think that it's important for me, at this point in my life, to stop trying so hard to live up to other people's expectations and start living up to my own. I used to think that my expectations for myself were pretty low. Now I'm realizing that they are really, really high, and that I can achieve them. I can also have what I want if I actually try.
For so long I have been afraid to try.

Until Next Post,
infinite xs and os,
Sophie