Confusion

Is it strange that I am willing to sacrifice my own happiness for anothers?
When my best friend, Sammi, had feelings for Jon, I convinced her that I had feelings for Ryan, my guy best friend, when really, I had feelings for Jon. Being that one of my closest friends happens to be a boy, I have never had a paticularly difficult time interpereting signals and body language. And yet, for some reason, I'm having a paticularly hard time understanding Jon. Usually, I am so certain that he likes Sammi, and then, all of the sudden, he goes out of his way to make something clear to me, or somehow touch me, and then I get utterly confused.
He came up to me in the library one day and said he wanted to tell me something. then Sammi walked over to us and he dropped the topic. I approached him later that day and asked him if he had wanted to tell me something, and he told me to never mind.
I turned around to walk away, and he sad, "Sophie- wait." and I turned around again and he said, "I think you have it in your head that I like Sammi."
I just stood their, silently, listening, waiting for him to continue.
"Well... do you?" he asked.
"I don't know?"
"Because, I don't."
"Okay." And then, I, who never, ever freaks out, who has modeled for a national fashion magazine, who is never at loss for words, DID freak out, WAS at a loss for words....
"Actually, Jon, I have to go. I'll see you tommarow, okay?"
I just turned around and walked away. I just sort of left him there. I turned around when I was at the door and he was still watching me.
Where did this all come from? My gosh, what in the world caused this confusion?
There was once when I got up from my beanbag in the library which was next to his, and came back to Jon, fast asleep, with his arm sprawled across my beanbag. I delicately moved his arm onto his chair, and he moved it back. "Jon?" he didn't respond, so I moved it again. Then he moved it back. and then I said, I'm laying down now. I layed down next to his hand, and he somehow managed to move it under me. I jumped up, suprised, and looked over at him, and by his expression I could tell he was trying to keep a straight face.
And then there's the fact that sometimes, I know that I confuse him, too.
It's as if every single day he learns something new about me and is totally intrigued. I causually swore yesterday, and he, who curses perhaps ten times throughout a sentence, managed to FREAK OUT, as if the fact that I swore meant the world was ending (I constantly swear. I don't understand how he didn't notice before.)
agh, that child...

Until next post,
infinite xs and os,
Sophie

p.s. Readers: please offer any insight you may be able to give. Thank you so much!